christmas as a grown-up

Merry Christmas everyone -- a few too many Christmas drinks has put me in a contemplative mood, so this might not be as Christmas-y a message as you want to hear on December 25th.

Seriously, though, Christmas as a grown-up is an odd thing. And I imagine it just gets stranger the older one gets. What are your first memories of Christmas? A beautiful tree, or maybe the food, or possibly a gift or a visit to Santa. At least that is how it is for me. Now that I'm all grown up with children of my own I want to recreate those memories for my kids -- except that my memory isn't perfect, and my traditions aren't necessarily the same as my spouse's, and in general my life is just different from that of my parents'.

So it's inevitable that Christmas will be different.

And after a few drinks, after all the gift-opening is done and the kids are in bed, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I mean, I remember Christmas as being perfect. I'm sure it wasn't always perfect, but that's how I remember it. And how can it be perfect for my kids if it's different from the perfect Christmas that I remember from my childhood?

I know that's not necessarily rational, but I'm sure lots of people have the same feelings. And let's take the next step -- what is Christmas like without kids? Because for us, right at this stage of our lives, it's all about the kids. Buying stuff for stockings, keeping up the Santa legend, teaching them about the Christmas spirit, and so on. I'm sure the young single folks fill their days and evenings with parties, but there's a limit to that (believe it or not :-). So how does it feel when the kids leave home, and the bottom of the tree is again empty-looking and sparse?

I feel a little grinchy on re-reading this; at the very least I should be talking about helping the less fortunate, or working towards peace on earth. But this year I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with life and so I figure the best thing I can do for the world is make sure I raise happy kids who don't decide to climb a tower and pull out a machine gun. Given that, I think my focus on my own family is understandable, if not a little irrational. Ah well -- I'm trying!

Merry Christmas, everyone!